Most addicts in recovery eventually get to the place where they accept full responsibility for their condition. Full responsibility for their lives, choices and behavior. We know that “They” don’t make us do anything – It’s always our choice.

That type of personal responsibility is very important to life after addiction. Taking responsibility for ones actions makes life easier. Whenever we blame others we take on the imaginary role as victim and I’m sure you can see where life as a victim is hard. How hard is not being in control of our own lives? It’s pretty much like free vs. slave, and it’s always our choice which role we play.

There is another level of responsibility we can explore and enjoy. We could call it emotional responsibility. If we play it right we’ll end up with emotional autonomy. We’ll see that “They” can’t make us feel a certain way. Like choosing our response action, it’s up to us. Now, how about stuff like guilt, remorse, regret and shame?

Who decides when and where those psychological acts come into play? How could it be any different from any other choice we make? Doesn’t it have to be us?

One of the things that happens with addicts entering and working at recovery is we become very in tune with what’s going on inside us. We are set on a path to search ourselves. We are encouraged to find that within ourselves that would bring us down. Many who choose not to do this are gone. Gone from sobriety or gone period. So we look and examine and in time we become our own best friends.

I am going through a re-examination of – I’ll just use the word – guilt. I’ve been watching the feeling when it comes up and asking myself, “Is that what you want?” In other words is the feeling you’re feeling there because of a autonomous choice – or does it stem from an outside source.

My premise is basically this: Guilt is taught”

Guilt is taught and we either learn it – or we don’t. We accept or reject the teaching and the teachers . Sometimes I’ll use the “If I were in charge” tool. If I were in charge would this be something people should feel bad about?

I’ll just pick something for an example and use wasting time. I often feel kind of ashamed of myself for not getting enough done. Even if I can’t really think of anything to do I feel like I should be able to and not being able to is most likely because I was somehow fucking off. If I examine this I can see that the whole idea of wasting time is somebody elses. Left on my own I probably wouldn’t even have words like wasting time in my vocabulary. Who’s to say any time spent is time wasted? But somewhere along the line I accepted the teaching at the subconscious level and now it’s really in there – like a thorn.

So for some time now when I feel something like this I get a hold of it and examine it and if it’s origins aren’t Doug – I reject it and decide for myself what is important and therefore how I should feel. This is basically how I’ve done everything in my life after addiction. It’s my own method of carving out my self determined path.

I’m not trying to fit in. I tried that as an adolescent to some degree. It drove me nuts and most likely contributed to my getting started with addiction. So fitting in is out.

On the self determined path I am responsible for every aspect of myself as a human being. I can’t be responsible for anything outside of this since I have no knowledge of it it would just be guess work. But I do know how I feel and if I stay on top of things I know why I feel how I feel and then I can take responsibility for it and change it if I want.

Happy Hunting