If You Relapse: What Do We Do Now?

I’ve had a lot of relapse dreams. In the dream I’d used drugs are drank. It’s always confusing because I don’t remember how I got to the place I’m at in the dream. I always think (in the dream) this is really bad, what happened, how did I get here?

What I do when I’m awake is all the things I know of to do to assure “those” dreams – don’t come ever true. I’ve considered what I’d do if I ever did relapse. The first thing I’d do is wonder what I’d missed, what did I not do or stop doing?

I recently got a “I relapsed” email from some one. This was some one I had taken through the 12 step process. When I introduce people to the 12 steps I get up to the the 5th Step as quickly as possible. After that, people are really responsible for the rest of the 12 step program. I can’t ask god to remove their shortcomings or continue to take personal inventory for them.

I do however say – keep working at all this and keep talking about what you find. In the case of this guy, he wouldn’t do it. I’d call him every so often to see if he was okay and to demonstrate exactly what staying in touch meant. What I figure will happen in cases where people – go back to what they were doing is – sooner or later they’ll go back to what got them in the rooms in the first place.

What I wanted to talk about this morning was – If it happens, If you relapse, What do you do then?

The person I mentioned here asked me something and I want you to pay real close attention to this – It’s a key to a lot of relapses. He said, “Should I start over and get a sponsor and write another 4th Step”?

What do you think I told him?

Almost everyone I worked with on the steps had been through the steps with a sponsor before. I think it’s important to say that working the steps through Step 5 or 6 is really good for people (addict or non-addict) but it won’t keep us sober. What does?

Although I may write like I know it all I know I don’t know much at all. I know a few things for sure. Like what I just mentioned about working the steps not keeping us sober. I know it because I’ve seen it over and over. Nothing we “did” can keep us sober. It’s always what we do that keeps us sober, happy, secure and so on. Life is a very “In The Moment” deal.

I was talking to a couple who were learning how to golf the other day and I told them there was only one thing that applied to all golfers – never take your eye off the ball. This demonstrates a universal principle in golf. I use the term “Universal Principle” as something that applies to everyone, across the board. Something all who succeed, in any given endeavor, practice is a universal principle of that particular endeavor.

In our endeavor to remain sober and never relapse there is one “practice” I’ve seen all who succeed take on: Working with others.

So why do some work with others and some not? I can’t answer that. For me it was a decision. I worked at the steps and found some things we refer to as liabilities, I found that I could decrease these using certain practices and principles in my life. I practiced, and practiced, improving my conscious contact with a higher dimensional vibration (what some might call god – I just make things up whenever I’m supposed to put a name on it). After that it was the only reasonable decision I could make. When you get something really good, you want to share it….

I’ll be back, I have to go to the driving range… Okay, where were we? Did I mention I suck at golf?

So the one thing all the people I’ve seen “Make It” do – Is work with others. One thing that happens when we work with others is we take our attention off of the self. I guess that’s whats meant when people say, “Get out of yourself?”. It’s hard to dwell on what’s wrong when we’re helping someone else.

The other thing I’ve noticed “Happy, healthy people” doing is developing some sort of spiritual connection. Maybe we could say, “Working towards being in harmony with life”. Whatever we call it I think we all understand what’s being discussed.

The answer to the question, “What do we do when we relapse”, is: Start where we left off. All who relapse got to a certain point in recovering – then they stopped. This – where did I stop progressing – is always something the individual will have to figure out for themselves. No one else knows. But as far as I can give advice right now, this is what I would suggest to anyone who asked.