I was talking with a person the other day who is going through some pretty rough stuff. Some of it’s their fault. Some of it’s brought on and being drawn out by others.

We talked about her getting off the path she’d been on and getting started on a different path. Part of the old path includes the people she hung out with. I told her that those people are on “Their” path and it was just a matter of deciding if she wanted to go where they’re going – or end up where they are now. Would she want to be where they are – mentally, emotionally and so on? Her answer was no.

So she decided to get started on a self determined path. In order to do this she would seek the council of people who were on a different path. A path that they had followed to get where they are.

Things are very different for her already. Things are moving in a different directions and she’s had good results so far. Then she called, saying, “I’m sooooo pissed”. She had to get some stuff from the people from her previous path. Things, clothing, stuff.

So they said some things and acted in ways that she just couldn’t understand. She asked me, “Why do they treat me like that”? Why do people do these things and act this way?

You can read what I’ve already written on this subject here:

• Happiness
• Motive

Now I am a big fan of understanding the why in things. In fact it might me the one thing I’m most interested in. I am, and have been, studying to find out the why – in everything. But there is a place where it should be set aside.

If it’s driving you nuts. If you can’t stop thinking about it and it’s making you miserable we’ll want to deal with something else first. First we want to survive without our addictions. We don’t want to run to drugs or sex or shopping. We don’t want to retreat into the dysfunction of isolating. We want to be healthy and happy.

Why – is the most natural question there is. It’s part of the security instinct. We will ask it. We will want answers. There are answers available.

The Practical Application

In the case of – why do they do that – we have to deal with our feelings. Once we find out why, in general, people act the way they do, we will still get hurt if the right people act in ways we feel are wrong. This is where we can’t get to deeply involved. At least not right away. We have to step back. We have to ask, “Is this my path”?

We usually come into these situations when we get off our path. In the case where involvement with certain people is the old path, the path concept takes on an emotional quality that needs to be recognized. One aspect of my old path was an unhealthy emotional involvement with people.

That is the case here with the conversation I had with this person. She agreed that the relationships she had with these individuals was a large part of her problem. A new path doesn’t guarantee we will have no contact with people from the old path.

Define Path Please

The self determined path is physical, mental and emotional – everything to do with life. The self determined path – can be phrased – The self determined life. The self determined path requires skills like; The self determined reaction. In fact this may be the most important skill we ever develop. Like any skill it needs developing. It takes practice and dedication to get good at it.

In the beginning we need to develop this skill just enough to survive. If we don’t, we can get caught up in “Why” and be back on our old path in the blink of an eye.

When we decide to get started on our own self determind path it will help us to learn about, and understand people and the paths they choose. It will also help us to learn something about the brain and emotions. Along with the links included above, taking a look at this page on meditation will help.

As far as I know there are no questions not answered on this site. Let me know if I left anything out, or you can’t find something.