Putting together a lie

I was just putting together a lie. A lie to be used to stay out of trouble, or shorten a troublesome situation, or conversation, or whatever it was I was imagining might come about. Imagining? Was I…?

Doing what I do now I don’t get in trouble, haven’t been in trouble in ages and really don’t know what kind of trouble I’d prepare for if I could… But… I was doing it

The interesting part of all this is that I know something of what I’m doing. I know it’s a survival technigue. I know it’s all about fear… The fear of what people will think about me, find out about me… the fear for my physical safety, any threat to my physical or mental comfort. That’s how the whole, worry and make up stories, thing got started: Those things were out there; waiting to get me

So… I know where it comes from, I know it’s a waste of time, I know it’s an actual cause of discomfort – the very condition I supposedly seek to avoid. I know it’s just a habit, a mental habit

… an emotional habit?

I know the situations that trigger it. Hmm… trigger it where? Brain? The brain does react… millions of reactions a day keep me alive… Does it have the ability to run some “Make A Lie” program? Or is it Me?

Is it just Me, the whole complex of Energetic Awareness plus the biological aspect? I guess this is the investigation I’ll be involved in till I get to the bottom of it… Can’t allow myself to be stuck in this state of dumb ass

For sure this particular habit is hard as fuck to break

Posted in observation