Earth Time Memory LossFor some time now I've been wondering what it is I want. Thinking maybe I should have a plan. People always ask me what I'm going to do. Am I going to come to town or am I going to stay where I'm at, what will I do for work. Stuff like that. I always say, "I don't have any plans". It's true, I don't. I really can't think of anything I might do "With my life". That said, there is one thing I've always wanted. I want my memory back.
I remember sitting against a tree in the valley where I grew up. The sun is seeking me out through the leaves. There is a slight breeze. I recall its very fragrant. My eyes are closed and I'm sending a message. This is the message...
"I'm here on earth, please come get me, this isn't my home. This much I'm sure of. I am struggling to remember how I got from wherever felt like home to this foreign place. I know you're out there, I know you here me. I don't belong here. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing. If I'm supposed to be doing something why don't you just tell me? It seems like I hear something or someone but I can't quite understand. I can't quite recall what I was, although I can sense it just beyond my grasp. Wouldn't it make more sense just to come get me? "
Needless to say no one showed up. From then, till now I have struggled to remember what it is I sense. It's like my face is pressed up against a veil. A barrier that is between me and all that there is. I know that if I can push through it I'll find the answer to what is tormenting me. I was reading a pdf book by Drunvalo Melchizedek. I like to read and watch everything I can about sacred geometry. It seems familiar to me. Part of that missing memory? Possibly. Maybe likely. I've always been interested in geometric form. There is something familiar in them. They seem to make intuitive sense. I know now that this is the main reason for my inability to make plans. My not being able to nail down what I want. I spent most of my life looking out at a world that didn't make any sense. Why would I voluntarily join in? In the Drunvalo writings he mentions some thing about immortality having nothing to do with staying in this form, or that form, forever. It is rather the ability to remember everything. As for back as there has been something to remember the immortal remembers it. That's what I want. For all of you who know me, and have wondered, that's what I want.
When I remembered sitting in the woods I also remembered how angry I was that I couldn't remember. I knew there was something to remember and it was driving me nuts. It's hard to explain to anyone when they asked me what was wrong. You know, "I don't belong here. A mistake was made and, whatever the reason I wound up here is, I can't remember". It's probably a good thing I didn't put that into words. Those were the days of when shock therapy was an option. They didn't care if you were nuts they just wanted something to put wires on. Now days we've got passed that, we only use that stuff when intentionally torturing people. Anyway it makes me wonder if that isn't a large part of what makes people kooky. Is it the "no memory" thing? Is what it is? Is that what everyone is reaching for? Is that what we're missing? I have more information now than I did then. I know a lot more about how humans might have come to be here. I have more to choose from than a couple of highly unsatisfying theories. In fact one of the things I'm heavy with gratitude for is that the mainstream fundamentalist ideas of creation and evolution are all but gone. This could be due to another interesting idea I came across. That we are entering in to another, of many, awakenings. The indigo children are here and our outer planetary space is getting as busy as a interstate highway. Whatever is going on I can feel closer to remembering now than ever before.
There is a big move being made toward intuition. Connection with the ethereal realm. What did Edgar Casey call it, a galactic library? So I wonder if this movement toward knowing things is the same as this remembering I have had to live without? Oh well, what ever it is, whatever it's all about, whatever end the end of what we call reality looks like, I feel it rushing towards us. Countries, monetary systems, societies, every thing we have been told to value is collapsing. Lots of people or going to lose their minds. Fear it seems is becoming the emotion of the day. For the first time in my life I feel like things are finally going my way. I never got the societal thing anyway. You see for all my, "not having anything I wanted to do story", that has never really been the case. I know that when people ask me what I plan to do that they're referring to some societal role. I've never wanted to have a societal role. Never had a national affinity, a loyalty to a flag, or any reverence for man made dogmatic invention. It has always seemed unreal. Sort of dream like. Well I see the dream is at an end. It's likely that eternity has nothing to do with living or dying or souls or anything else we've dreamed up. I think it's been here, with us, all a long. I think we will simply wake up to it. This could be what I've been trying to remember.
by Ralph Miller, "All of us have a sense of what eternity is. We came from eternity and when we die, we will return to eternity. Our lifetime on earth is a chosen separation from eternity. We come to experience and learn.
Eternity can only be "remembered" from the deep recesses of our hearts. It's a feeling or knowing, not a "mind" thing. It's a nostalgia for eternity that resides in our hearts as a long-forgotten dream. It's a resonance, an ancient tone.
Religions capitalize on this nostalgia with various concepts of heaven or redemption. Sadly, the mere 'concept of heaven' is not even close to what a heaven would be like. Heaven can never be just an intellectual concept. It is a deep inner feeling. Remembering this ancient feeling is clouded by darkness that exists in the ego. Our hearts exist in eternity while we live out our lives in a realm of forgetfulness.
I have great respect for the ayahuasca medicine because I saw through the shaman's journey a way to transcend our forgetfulness. We are offered a way to heal our nostalgia. We remember what the deep feeling was about. It is heaven.
There really is no methodical or logical way of remembering eternity. Your waking mind has only been with you for a few decades. It has no idea how vast or wide, you and eternity actually are. When we walk through the sacred inner doorway, we experience the true initiation of the heart and we remember within the immensity of time, our infinite and immortal selves." Read more at HeartOfTheInitiate.com