The Power of the Group

"Getting involved in a Group"

In general groups have more power than individuals. A group can pick up a car and throw it off a cliff. That's the most obvious. Second is probably insight and experience. Since everyone sees things a little differently the same event will effect no two people alike. Similarly yes but not the same. Each will take something different with them from the experience. So each will bring something different to the group and a group decision will be a combining of those involved. This doesn't mean there aren't destructive groups. There are and they are powerful. Two points that are very important to remember and ask when investigating a proposed solution: Is it real and does it work?

For we who want to change our lives, the right groups can help us enormously.

With all its faults, due to the fact that there are people involved, A.A. is a really remarkable study in groups. Questions were put to the founders concerning the lack of rules. Statements were made that the group could not survive without them and would self destruct. That was seventy years ago. To understand the group of alcoholics anonymous one should read tradition nine. The group survives because there are people in it that are practicing good principles. This is the only thing holding it together. The purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous is to carry the message, that anyone who practices the principles and follows some simple suggestions can live a life free from the bondage of alcoholism. There is not a selfish motive in the A.A. traditions. The steps are worked with a sort of selfish motive but part of the process involves being rid of selfish motives. You gotta start somewhere. In fact, to quote my friend Pema, you gotta start from where you are.

"Help with addiction" When joining or attending a group that is focusing on your condition you will run into people that you will not enjoy being around. On there own they wouldn't make a good group. That's why its a group. That person is going to get helped or refuse help. They will succeed at the purpose of the group or they will not. Unless you can think of something good for them you would do well not thinking of them at all. Although the likelihood of that happening is real slim. I spent hour after hour sitting in meetings with a brain that would plan how to kill a member or feel ashamed for not killing them. I was not a healthy guy. What happened is I learned that I could sit and do nothing and it would be OK. In the group you should look for someone to talk to. Look for those who seem to be happy. If you can get some sort of talking relationship going with them that's good. If it appears they don't want to, or if you notice their heads might not be screwed on straight, drop it, look for someone else. Ask a higher power of your choosing to direct you to what is best, for every one, and keep trudging. We will always find what we're looking for provided we don't stop looking. A willingness to ask for help, from whatever power exists, will hasten the result. When you ask for what is best and it seems like nothings happening don't be discouraged. It may be that what is best is not in the same place you are. It may be some place you'll be in six months. It may be that nothing happening is best. I learned to be happy in the midst of nothing happening. Reliance on conditions is a form of masochism. For sure if you're no longer practicing your habit of choice that's best for everyone, especially you. Good things want to happen. Life just loves to take shape.

Help yourself...

If you consider what it takes to succeed at anything you'll find a few key ingredients. If we are new to the recovery process. Any recovery process. Our main asset is our ability to listen. If our listeners are out of shape then we will do well to exercise them. Avoid the phrase, "I know". People who know how to stay sober, or away from the black jack table, don't end up in 12 step meetings.

So get some mentors. Some of these mentors will be good for 3 months. Some will be good for the next few years and some will be with you for a long time. At some point the relationship will become more reciprocal and you can just share things. No one knows much about the future. For any who are new and wanting to stay clear of their problems the future, as well as the past, is not the place to dwell. This is a great time, a crucial time, for learning the art of staying in the present moment. The reason we will come to appreciate this talent is this: the present moment has the least "worry potential".

There just isn't ever a lot to worry about - right now. Let's consider a "real" life concern. If you do what it takes to make good progress you'll find there aren't all that many. One is food. We all have to eat. If we stay in the moment we will spend practically no time worrying about what or how we're going to eat. You can stay here, and do something worthwhile. Or get out into the imaginary future and spend a life time worrying about food, or money, or clothes and anything else you "imagine" is important. If you are willing to do some experimenting with the concept of being in this moment you'll find out a lot of truly valuable things. I'll tell you how valuable staying present can be to you. Most people, if they were to practice nothing but staying present, would never drift back into their addictions and habitual behaviors. That's because every problem that exists right now can be dealt with. It is tangible. There are only a few things we can do about the past. Only a few things we can do about the future. All of them take place right here, right now. So there is no reason to spend any time any where else. Nothing is happening there. There is "nothing there". That's why people in Alcoholics Anonymous say "one day at a time".

If all goes well and you can tolerate yourself, your group and the suffering of withdrawal, be it mental or physical, you can end up being one of those who make it possible for the group to survive. A pillar.


added on 8/26/09

I was reading this article on the poor success rate that 12 step programs have. It's true, but they blamed the relapse ratio on the program, that might not be true. Then there was this huge comment debate - pro, con and everything in between. I didn't comment because I didn't really have anything to say. I'd like to put my two cents in here.

The thing is, the people relapsed. The program is not necessarily at fault. People go to 12 step groups and stay sober. People go to other groups and stay sober. I don't know if you can really blame, or credit, the program. I'm more inclined to say, it's the people. AA offers a system that allows people a methodology to find out some things about themselves. It seeks, however thinly, to introduce some principles, that's all. People will do what they are going to do.

The main thrust of the frothy debate concerned the higher power idea. I can't agree or disagree with any of the debaters. I decided for myself what I was going to do and did it. Again people do what they're going to do. Here is a way to look at it:

12 steps groups are a good place to go, if you want to hang out with people who don't use drugs (or practice their addictions...
12 steps groups are a good place to go, if you want to hang out with people who do use drugs (and practice their addictions...
12 steps groups are a good place to go, if you want to hang out with people who want to not use drugs (or practice their addictions...

Now you can just keep adding anything you can think of to the list, and then, as always, decide what to do. It's not the group - it's the people at the group. Do we like them? Is it the best group for us? Am I sane enough to judge and so on.

If you pursue good with labor, the labor passes away but the good remains; if you pursue evil with pleasure, the pleasure passes away and the evil remains.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

The virtues, like the Muses, are always seen in groups. A good principle was never found solitary in any breast.
Buddha

There is no great invention, from fire to flying, which has not been hailed as an insult to some god.
John B. S. Haldane

Alcoholics Anonymous History

National Archives Workshop

Websites:

AA History & Book Bibliography.
AA History & Trivia 2008
AA History Lovers
- "This group is intended for all those interested in the history of Alcoholics Anonymous.
It is not limited to members of AA, and is not an AA group." A Yahoo online group
Akron Archives of Alcoholics Anonymous
Akron
Area 64 Archives of Alcoholics Anonymous
- Murfreesboro Tennessee Rutherford County AA
Barefoot's World : AA History Pages
Bill Wilson Biography from Time Magazine
Bill Wilson's Letter To Dr. Carl Jung , Jan 23, 1961
Burke's Holgate Street
Dick B.'s Alcoholics Anonymous & Alcoholics Anonymous History
Dr Bob & AA
- Robert Holbrook Smith & Alcoholics Anonymous by Dick B (Noted AA historian).
History of Alcoholics Anonymous in Australia
Jaywalker Twelve Step Site, The
- Various historical documents & photographs National Archives Workshop
Research at the GSO Archives
- Information from the official AA worldServicesWebsite.

The Hug

There's something in a simple hug
That always warms the heart;
It welcomes us back home
Makes it easier to part.


A hug's a way to share the joy,
And sad times we go through,
Or just a way for friends to say
They like you 'cause you're you.


Hugs are meant for anyone
For whom we really care,
From grandma to your neighbor,
Or a cuddly teddy bear.


A hug is an amazing thing
It's just the perfect way
To show the love we're feeling
But can't find the words to say.


It's funny how a little hug
Makes everyone feel good;
In every place and language,
It's always understood.


No special equipment needed,
No batteries or parts-
Just open up your arms
And open up your hearts.